F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
May 12, 2011
One of the reasons why I’ve always looked forward to university, besides the whole widening-your-academic-horizon perspective, has been to make friends. A lot of the people I know have made lifelong friends during their university days. I’ve heard this from relatives, teachers and friends. Despite what I’ve heard and experienced myself that university can be isolated and lonely (although only on some days), I looked forward to meeting new people, especially when I knew I’ll be studying in a foreign country.
Little did I know about meeting new people in a new country, let alone a non-English speaking one. Safe to say, I wasn’t ambitious when it came to doing this – I naturally assumed, much to my disappoint that it would simply ‘happen’. For me, the assumptions are simple: You are in an academic institution. You will socialize because no man is an island. You will meet new people and find your cliques. You will hang out with them, more often than others. Apparently, it’s not all that simple.
When it comes to the very act of actually making friends, I’m rather shy. I usually force myself to say hello or initiate a conversation the same way I forced myself to stay calm on stage or when I’m doing a presentation – it’s good acting. So, in that sense, I’m quite passive – depends on the situation, of course. I’ve tried meeting up with groups of people from forums, university parties only to find myself disappointed, again and again. I would like to stress, however, that I’ve made friends and that I’ve gone out for movies, drinks etc. but none that I can call a ‘lifelong-friend’. Unfortunately, almost every valid reason I can think of is somehow linked to German society or the fact that psychology students are just w.e.i.r.d. No comments.
Even a few people, whom I thought, have known me rather well, realized just last week that I’m from Singapore and not Indonesia because Singapore does not belong to Indonesia and is an independent country. This after two years of so-called ‘friendship’. And so, I take on a very laid-back role, more reserved and reluctant than before cos’ I can’t seem to be bothered about this. I have made a few good friends and I can live with that. And, I already have a handful of friends, I foresee being befriended with till I die – so that’s good enough, no?
May 12, 2011 at 1:45 pm
I feel the very same way except for two things: I don’t think our colleagues are weird (or do you mean me?;) and also a phenomenon that I’ve observed in myself: I seem to tend to get in this state of learned helplessness. I guess I kinda passively observed how others form cliques and felt a bit worthless that I don’t belong to one. And that only made me more isolated, because I started thinking, ‘Oh, I don’t want to belong to that group anyway, ’cause they’re this and that, and I don’t like them either, they are totally the bitches…’ So I chose to cognitively lower the value of what I desired, namely – to have a clique at university.
Another thing that irritates me a great deal is that people all seem to be passive, at least when it comes to me. I happens so rarely that somebody calls me or texts me and offers to hang around or do something together. I don’t do it myself, because I’m just used to being on my own most of the time anyway (it’s been like that forever) and because I sometimes think to myself, ‘Well, maybe it’s a bit pushy of me to do so.’ or ‘If they wanted to go out with me, they would call themselves.’ or I would just worry that I wouldn’t know what to talk to them about (when it comes to people I barely know, so it’s basically my shyness).
So, you’re not the only one that feels that way. Although I don’t think I have friends that would be friends of mine forever and I generally don’t think friendships can last so long (for me).
May 12, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Hey, no I wasn’t trying to single anyone out. I’m not bothered about cliques and I do share you view that there exists different cliques who tend to portray themselves in a manner I don’t want to associate myself with. I’m happy about the decision ie. I’d rather be true to myself than to force myself to be someone else, just for the sake of being in a clique. Nevertheless, I’m comforted (and upset for you, of course) to know I’m not the only one that feels this way.